Lesson 3: Ignore and Don’t React
Quote: Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Statement: Ignoring and not reacting is very hard to do! Yet it is one of the most common strategies given to children when they have a conflict. Without explicit teaching children may think they are choosing to ignore and not react but they are actually giving a fight or flight reaction which fuels the problem. Ignoring and not reacting can be a way to deescalate a conflict, however, it does not always provide resolution.
Research: A study of 120 people called ‘When Silence is Golden’, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships from the Baruch College, concluded that you're not doing yourself any favours by responding to rude people or people who make you angry. The researchers note that it can be difficult to overcome our natural impulse to engage when someone converses with us or says something that triggers us, but ignoring and not reacting is a more powerful response than an argument.
Tips to teach this skill at home:
1. Help your child to understand that being able to ignore or not react starts with taking control of your thinking. Upset thinking will cause a reaction. Helpful thoughts will assist to calm down and Ignore and not react.
2. Brainstorm with your child what are some ‘good’ thoughts that they can think about.
3. Remind them not to look at the person.
4. Help them to move to another friend. With your child, practise different ways that they can approach another child and ask if they can play with them.
5. With your child, visit the BRIDGE BUILDERS® Online Learning Program Lesson Three and do some of the fun activities as a family. Validating this learning empowers your child with valuable skills to learn how to; Ignore and not react and be empowered for life!
By Jocelyne Chirnside
Empowering Life Skills